Teen Troubles - a letter

Written by a Teenager (age 13)

Hi, 

In the modern day, being a teenager is very hard. There are many challenges I face as a teenager, such as body image, social media, safety and friendship issues and I want to tell you about them and how I feel day to day. 

The first issue I have found I struggle a lot with is body image. For example, sometimes in in the mirror, I find myself comparing my body to my friend’s, or even to social media influencers’ bodies. I sometimes think “My body is nothing compared to theirs”, “They have a flat stomach and I don’t” and “They have body assets that I don’t”. People always say that every body is beautiful, and I completely agree, but sometimes I think that my body is the only exception, and it’s difficult constantly judging yourself every day. For example, I don’t always feel comfortable dressing in ‘trendy’ clothes or clothes that my friends wear, as I often feel uncomfortable in my own skin and I check my body all the time to see if it is what I want it to look like (it isn’t). 

I know that this is partly due to social media, and how it feels like it is only famous people who have perfect bodies – there is hardly any variation in their looks, and you think you need to be like them to be successful and happy, I know that in reality that is far from the truth but it’s hard when you see these posts online all the time. Also, there are always people that say comments on posts, sometimes anonymously (not necessarily my posts), that make you question yourself and if you are good enough. You might also go down a rabbit hole of social media when you can’t sleep (I don’t do this but lots of my friends do), or when you are bored, which leads you to discover some very hurtful comments and things that can make you question yourself and others around you; people hide behind screens and say things that you might think applies to you. Sometimes, at times like that it is hard to find the positive side of the internet, when I know that there certainly is one. 

Another thing that I worry about a lot is safety, and things like walking alone, as there are so many stories and reports about child abductions, and even worse things. It can put you in a state of paranoia. I always try and keep up to date with the latest tips on how to stay safe, and I try and always keep away from cars and buildings on the side of the pavement as I feel that it would be so easy for someone to jump out and do something. I also try and walk with someone to and from school, because of safety in numbers – it makes me feel safer and not be so alert to what might happen, as I know I have a witness/protection with me if anything were to happen. My anxiety about this goes so far as me being in fear whenever a car takes the same turning as me, or keeps at my pace. If there is anybody behind me, even if I don’t know if they are a male, female, what age they are etc, I will try to walk faster so there is no trouble. Nobody should have to do this, but it has come to the point that being kidnapped is something a 13-year-old girl (me) has to worry about on a daily basis. 

Also, an issue I face a lot is friends, and feeling like I am always having to change myself and how I act for different groups of people. I have always only had a few close friends, but I find myself changing little things about myself for each person I speak to, even though I know I should just be true to myself. It is little things, such as the way I laugh or the way I hold myself. This is difficult, as I always find myself saying something I feel that I am being judged on or I wish I hadn’t said. This again has some links back to social media, as I find I am always worrying about not messaging friends constantly and needing to stay on my phone for just a few seconds more to finish a message so I don’t leave people on opened (reading somebody’s message and not responding).  The way things are at the moment in society it’s like that sort of thing can break a friendship, or create a huge argument. Sometimes it feels like I am walking on eggshells.  With some friends I can talk to openly about things, but some people I feel like I can’t without them judging me and making assumptions – even writing this blog makes me nervous about what people might think and say. Also, I feel like when I try to be myself around others it is perceived as ‘up in people’s faces’ or irritating, and I have even been told this which makes me want to just not speak and change myself everywhere I go, to make people like me and to make me less annoying, as people think I am. 

Sometimes I feel like I am pushed to talk about things I don’t want to talk about, and rather than opening me up this actually makes me less willing to talk about my issues. I want privacy, and want to feel like I can text people or have arguments without feeling the need to hide it (I don’t want to have arguments, but when I do I want to not talk about it sometimes). I feel like I want privacy unless I bring up an issue I want to talk about first. I want to live my own life and do what I want without being scrutinised, which happens a lot with my friends, family and people around me. 

On the positive side, I feel like I am gaining more independence and can make my own decisions more freely.  I am learning new things about myself every day.  Some days I feel like I have more confidence in my ability to do things that I used to, but on others I don’t have any confidence and that’s hard. Being a teenager has lots of obstacles, but I think it is probably one of the greatest times of your life and I want to embrace everything in it as much as possible even on days where I don’t feel the best. 

Love 

Me x 

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